Is this how David Cameron would look as a zombie?

In Dead Bastards, David Cameron gets attacked by a political rival, which stuns everyone. Well, the rival politician did die the day before.

This is how I reckon Cameron would look as a zombie.

What other delights are in Dead Bastards?

1- there's a zombie snowman - somehow you know he won't be content with just a carrot.

2- there's a zombie vixen who wants to get down and dirty with one of the main characters. Who said it was just brains on a zombie's mind?

3-there's a unique way to disorientate these zombies.

4-there's a homage to Dawn of the Dead when the gang end up at a shopping mall.

5-there's also some comedy. What? In a zombie novel? Well, yes. Scots have a unique way to dealing with things - usually using black humour.



Can bagpipes help them survive the undead hordes? 
Read the book to find out.

Dead Bastards is available now.

Things to do until The Walking Dead returns

This is what we feel like doing 

We hate waiting and when we're waiting for The Walking Dead to return, that goes double.

So, what can we do to pass away the time, as we suffer from Rick, Daryl, Michonne and zombie withdrawal symptoms?

Well, we could plan our own Walking Dead party...stay tuned, details coming soon, including the Daryl/Rick drinking game...

But, while we're waiting we could while away the days by doing the following -

Get Rick's shirt. I found this one on ebay.

1. Dress like Rick Grimes or Daryl Dixon. Or, if you can't get someone else to and stand behind them.

These aren't bread sticks, these are are katanas like the sword Michonne wields.

2.Go around your local big store pretending the baguette bread sticks are a katana like Michonne's and practice chopping folk's heads off. If anyone says anything, tut and say "zombie," like that explains everything.

Zombie checkpoint sign.

3. Set up a zombie checkpoint outside your local shopping mall/school and stop folk asking to see their arms and ankles. If anyone asks why, say, "I need to check if you've been bitten."




Stage your own zombie battle.

4. Have a zombie battle in the forest using plastic toy guns and swords. Do not do this in an area where they all look like Daryl and have crossbows.



Freak out your workmates by saying you've been bitten.

5. Turn up at work/school/a family party with ripped clothes, covered in fake blood (get one of those fake blood capsules) with scratches and bites and say, "I've been bitten. These guys came out of nowhere and started eating the guy who was with me. Never seen anything like it. Better sit down, I feel faint."

6. Put up makeshift signs around town with crude drawings saying things like "ZOMBIES - STEER CLEAR OF THE INFECTED" and "ZOMBIE VIRUS - STAY AWAY."

Or, you could always watch The Walking Dead marathon this weekend. But, hey, that doesn't mean you can't do all the other stuff as well.

7. Read this zombie novel.
Zombies in the snow.
No guns.
A ragtag of survivors battle with each other and the dead bastards to survive.

What are you blethering on about? A guide to Scottish words in Dead Bastards

Dead Bastards was originally going to be called Deid Bastards - deid is the Scottish word for dead. So, I thought it would be fun to look at the Scottish words used in my zombie book and the words that didn't make it.

Dunderhead (this can also be dunderheid) - This is a term of abuse and means someone who is an idiot.

How to use it - "That guy is a total dunderhead."

Lum - The Scottish word for chimney.

How to use it - "He smokes like a lum."

Blether - This means talk or chat.

How to use it - "We had a right good blether."

It can also be used with ing at the end i.e. "stop your blethering." In other words, don't talk so much.

Glaikit - one of my all-time favourite Scottish words, when we say someone's glaikit we mean they look stupid and slow witted.

How to use it - "Look at that big glaikit guy playing up front."

That's no  - Scottish people talk really fast and we have an economy of words so whatever we say rolls of the tongue.

How to use it - In sentences where you would say not i.e. Instead of "that's not fair," we would say "that's no fair."

Goonie - this means gown. Despite the fact "goon" is in it, this has nothing to do with the heavies Tony Soprano would have.

How to use it - "The hospital goonie barely covered my bum."

Irn Bru - the unofficial national drink of Scotland made by Barrs, this is the number 1 selling soft drink in the country. It's also known as a great hangover cure.